He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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