I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
