can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
