I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
