And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
