Don't you send me to vm
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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