Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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