but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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