it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
