FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
