Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
