I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found your dick twin last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
