Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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