Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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