I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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