Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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