wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you traded sex for a burrito?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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