I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
