I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I cannot find my penis.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
