I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can't talk, ducks in the car
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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