Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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