actually, I'm a sock model
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
