Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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