he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
