There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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