Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
