I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
