I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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