So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
