3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
