I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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