I could make wine with my vomit
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
