can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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