pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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