how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
