C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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