Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
