you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
