my sisters under your porch take her home
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
