He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
