You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
