Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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