What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
