This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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