Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize