do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
