see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
