I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
