I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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