I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
