your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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