mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
