You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
