Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
