Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
