YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
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We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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