happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Congratulations! We have a period
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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