ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
