He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
