you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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